50 After 50

50 After 50

I’ve been working on a “50 after 50” list for over a year now. I suppose you could call it a bucket list, but I’m not planning to kick the bucket any time soon, so I prefer not to use that term. I’m keeping a list of fifty big things that I want to achieve after I turn 50 years old. My original idea was to do all fifty things in my 50th year on this planet, which would have been an amazing accomplishment, but what’s the fun in rushing. I’m here for the long haul. I am going to aim high and enjoy each and every experience on my list. Today I hit that 50 year milestone (hooray!!) That means it’s time to start checking things off my list.

My kids tease me, saying that I don’t understand what a bucket list is supposed to be. This is perhaps because I sometimes joke around, saying things like, “Cancer – I can check that one off my list”, “getting hit by a car-check”, and “one more surgery-check that off….” I know that a bucket list is supposed to be the things one wants to do during one’s life. I realize it should not contain “things that could have knocked me off”. Yet the way I look at it, all of the things we experience in this life add to who we are and what we are capable of. I’ve faced things that could have killed me, but didn’t. That’s a big deal. So, as much as I would prefer to not have to check these things off my list, they are the things that have made me strong. Moving forward, I’m certainly not going to intentionally put things on this list that might make me kick the bucket (though, I guess kite-surfing falls into that category). If they come up, I’ll check them off, nonetheless, and move on.

I thought of the idea for a 50 after 50 list after my first triathlon, back in 2015. Being a part of Team Phoenix taught me that I could re-define my life after some significant obstacles. Before that tri, I had feared that I would have to alter my goals, settle for less in life due to these setbacks. I know now that I can still aim high if I’m focused and work hard to reach my goals.

The first thing on my list is to complete an Ironman. I’m going to need to be in good shape to do some of the other things on my list, so why not start big. Ironically, the day I was riding my bike through Grant Park, I was thinking about the Madison Ironman. I was going to sign up for the 2018 race after my ride, until my ride ended unexpectedly. Then plans changed a bit. As it stands, it is uncertain if I will be able to do an Ironman, but I’m keeping it on the list for now. Maybe I’ll wait until I have a bionic knee.

In the name of keeping myself accountable, I’m going to share the first few things on my list:
◦ Complete an Ironman
◦ Show my daughters the beauty in this world
◦ Live in a warm climate
◦ Visit all of the National Parks
◦ Learn Spanish
◦ Hike the Inca trail to Machu Picchu
◦ Travel the World by Motorcycle
◦ Kite-surf
◦ Play Bass Guitar
◦ Scuba dive the Galapagos

That’s a glimpse of my list. Stay tuned to see the rest….

Honor Flight

Honor Flight

Dr Gordon had told me to call him if my knee still hurt after the swelling went down and he would order an MRI. After a couple of weeks, it was clear that my knee was not going to heal quickly. It was still swollen. I was wearing the brace, and struggling with pain, lost range of motion, and a limp. I was determined to be ready to walk all over D.C. with my dad for the Stars and Stripes Honor Flight on Oct 14th, but I wanted to know what was going on with my knee before the trip.
I had the MRI on Oct. 3rd and scheduled a follow up with the doctor on Oct 11th. Dr Gordon came in to the room and told me that my MRI “threw him for a loop.” He pushed and pulled on my knee again, just to make sure it still felt stable and that “he wasn’t an idiot” (his words). He said he never misses this type of injury upon physical examination. Yet, the MRI told him quite a different story from the physical exam. The MRI showed that I had a complete PCL (posterior cruciate ligament) tear in my knee. That can’t be good. I have experience with complete ligament tears (elbow and rotator cuff), and I know that they do not heal on their own. My first sinking though was, “one more surgery.” After all, the PCL is the strongest ligament in the knee. How can I get through life without a PCL? He did not suggest surgery, though. Instead, he said I should do six weeks of physical therapy to see if I can heal without surgery. That blew my mind a little.

While we were there, Andy took the opportunity to ask him about his foot. Right away, he told him that Andy had his least favorite injury. He said that if Andy was his patient, he would put him in a cast for 6 weeks. For now, he advised that Andy wear the boot 24/7. Andy decided to schedule his own appointment with Dr. Gordon.
Before we left, I asked him if my knee could handle a day of walking around D.C. He was fully supportive of the trip, and told me to thank my dad for his service.
By the 14th, I was feeling strong enough to go on the Honor Flight. I figured I would be able to keep up with 150 WWII Vets. I might have been wrong about that assumption, though. The day was very fast paced and we did a ton of walking. We saw all of these memorials in one day!


Arlington National Cemetery
Air Force Memorial
Pentagon Memorial
Korean War Memorial
Lincoln Memorial
Vietnam Memorial
WWII Memorial
FDR Memorial

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I’m so glad I got the chance to go on the Honor Flight. It was one of the most memorable days I’ve had with my dad. We were pretty tired out by the end of the trip, but the homecoming at the airport gave us a boost of energy. I’ll always treasure that day.

 

 

 

Friday, the 15th

It was Friday, September 15th. I woke up feeling great. I drove the kids to school, and then back home to get ready for my morning bike ride through Grant Park. I smooched my husband a bit (we’re newlyweds) and tried to get him to come biking with me. He’d been struggling with foot pain all summer, so he didn’t want to join me. As I was getting ready to ride, I told him, “that’s it, I’m taking you to a clinic today to get your foot checked out….”

“AFTER my bike ride.”

Andy is the kind of guy who takes care of everybody else first, and doesn’t want to complicate things by imposing his own problems into the mix. He has taken such good care of me through so much, and I want to be able to do that for him, too. Sometimes, I have to force him to let me take care of him. I had to get him to the doctor. His foot pain had gone on too long. Nothing was going to prevent me from biking on a morning like this, though. It was an absolutely ideal morning for a bike ride. The temperature was in the 60s, there wasn’t a hint of wind, and the blue skies were perfectly clear. I’d get home before the clinics opened, anyway, and then I’d get him to a doctor.

I put on a long-sleeved shirt and biking pants, but decided not to wear my bicycling shoes that clip into the pedals, because they’ve been making my feet go numb when I ride. Instead, opting to wear my running shoes. And off I went. My favorite part about living here is the fact that we are right on the parkway off of Grant Park, which gives me over 20 miles of beautiful, off-road biking paths right at my doorstep. Being a part of Team Phoenix has re-ignited my love of bicycling, and my morning ride through Grant Park has become my favorite way to start my day strong. I ride early, so I often have beautiful Grant Park to myself. I get to enjoy the sun rising over Lake Michigan, fresh morning air, and I usually see wildlife. I use this time for morning meditation. It has become a rejuvenating part of my life.

It’s been a long recovery from my DIEP flap surgery in January. I’ve been in pain, and haven’t regained my full strength or mobility. I was getting stronger all the time, though, between my regular swimming and biking. In one week, I would be doing my second sprint triathlon of the year with my two daughters. The first triathlon was at the end of July, and I almost dropped out of it. I pulled a muscle in my back in early July pulling a weed out of the ground. Something had to give, and it wasn’t going to be the weed. The muscle in my back snapped so hard that my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. After an ER visit, rest, ice, and ibuprofen, I was back to swimming and biking, but not ready to run. I did not feel ready to do a triathlon, but my family and friends encouraged me to stick with it, and I did it!


That morning, I was feeling particularly good. For the first time since surgery, I felt ready for the upcoming triathlon. As I made my way through the park, I was reflecting on how far I’ve come since my cancer diagnosis. I felt strong and fully in sync with my bike as I sailed effortlessly across the winding path. It reminds me of a feeling I get as a motorcyclist, when I’m so in tune with my bike that it becomes an extension of me. It is a liberating feeling. My muscles control the bike subconsciously, leaving my mind and body and all senses free to fully immerse in the surroundings. That was the state of mind I was in and my thoughts turned to my up-coming goals. I’ve been keeping a “50After50” Bucket List of 50 big, high reaching goals that I want to achieve after my 50th year on this planet. Think Big. Aim High! I was feeling strong and had decided to sign up for the 2018 IronMan in Madison. I had watched my niece, Tamra, and some of my Tri-Faster and Team Phoenix friends do the IronMan this year, and I wanted to experience it. I’ll need to be strong to tackle some of the things on my bucket list (kite-surfing, hiking the Inca trail, hitting all of the National Parks, exploring the world on my motorcycle)! What better way to prepare?

My goal this summer was to have a strong recovery from DIEP surgery and go into the second phase of surgery strong. The plan was to do the triathlon on Sept 24th, accompany my dad on a Stars and Stripes Honor flight on October 14th, and then tackle the next surgery in November, so that by 2018 (and my 50th birthday!) I could hit the ground running and live big.

All of these reflections were in my mind as I came up out of the park, nearing Cudahy, where the bicycle path crosses the entrance to a parking lot. As I approached the driveway, a Jeep was coming out of the parking lot. I slowed way down as the Jeep came to a stop at the stop sign. I did what I always tell my kids to do. I say, “Never assume the driver is going to see you. Always make eye contact.” I paused and looked at the driver. I even said out loud, “Do you see me? Are you stopping? You are stopping, right?” And I proceeded to cross (at the marked crosswalk).

He did NOT see me. It seemed surreal, almost like he intended to scare me. He suddenly hit the gas, but surely he would stop again before he got to me. Then he hit the gas again and soon his big, white Jeep was riding over my bike, with my legs tangled under the bike frame. I was thrown to the concrete-Hard.

Livestrong

Livestrong

As of Tuesday, I am a graduate of the Livestrong program at the YMCA (I even have a certificate!). Livestrong is a 12 week program designed to help cancer survivors achieve their health goals. I would highly recommend the program to anyone just finishing cancer treatment, unsure about how to rebuild after the difficulties they’ve just faced.

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While I still have a ways to go to regain the strength and fitness level that I had prior to cancer treatment, I feel like it was an excellent way to start. Participants in the Livestrong program get a free Y membership for the duration of the program, too. My class met twice a week, and it was just the push I needed to get off the couch and hit the gym. It was extremely difficult to find the motivation, and the energy, to exercise during chemo and radiation, but having a class to look forward to was an excellent way to get me out of that mode.

I’ve always had a physical lifestyle. I love jogging, biking, swimming, hiking, playing sports, and on and on. But I’ve never been terribly interested in “classes”, or group exercise. I have to say, there was something invaluable about being part of this group exercise program, though. For me, it was less about the exercise, and more about the camaraderie I found in a group of women who had recently gone through the same treatments and challenges that I had. It was the opportunity to talk about our experiences that motivated me to go every week. My group was very small, only 3 of us came regularly, and we grew comfortable talking about some personal stuff. It became like an intimate support group ( another thing I’ve never really been interested in). We were there to encourage each other and cheer at our small successes.

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Over the 12 weeks, we tracked our progress and did a baseline and post-class assessment of our progress. I’m proud to say that I improved in the areas of endurance, strength and flexibility! I hope to keep working toward my goal this winter. One more hurdle to clear, with surgery imminent, but after that I’m on track to join Team Phoenix at Aurora next spring! (more on that in future blog posts…)

Throttle Therapy

Memorial Day Weekend was approaching, and I had nothing planned. My kids were scheduled to be with their dad, my family picnic had been postponed, my boyfriend was out of town, soon to be returning from a two week motorcycle trip across the country (www.traveling250.com), and the weather was going to be beautiful. That’s saying a lot for a Memorial Day Weekend in Wisconsin, which is usually over-scheduled and has a 50-50 chance of being miserably cold and rainy.

Memorial Day Weekend this year would also be day five and six of my current round of chemotherapy. Days, which, in the past, have proven to be low points for me. I knew one thing, though, I was not going to sit home and wait for side effects to kick in. I was feeling really healthy, so, at the last minute, I started toying with the idea of meeting my boyfriend somewhere along his route home. By motorcycle. The idea of getting out of town, taking a break from all the medical stuff, getting out there on my bike, and seeing Andy a little sooner was very appealing.

ride on

We started discussing places to meet. He mentioned New Glarus, a quaint little Swiss village southwest of Madison. It would be an easy ride for me, and sounded nice, but I soon found that I couldn’t get a room in New Glarus due to a music festival which was taking place. So, looking at my map, I thought Mineral Point looked like another good choice. I really knew nothing about Mineral Point, but judging from the research I did online, it looked like a nice place for a quiet getaway. The town was formed in the 1830s and 40s, and being a fan of historic architecture, I thought I would find it interesting. And, it is in the driftless area of Wisconsin, which means beautiful, rolling motorcycle roads. I splurged a little and booked a really amazing looking room for Saturday night.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling great and super giddy for my road trip. I had arranged to ride out of town with my good friend, Mary. We would ride together until lunch time, at which point we would go our separate ways. It was perfect motorcycling weather. Sunny and warm. We had an uneventful ride out (except for that one playful dear along the side of the road) and stopped for a leisurely lunch at a favorite place.

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After lunch, I continued west. As I got close to Madison I decided to get off the highway and onto quieter country roads. The smells, the sights, the serene experience, passing through small towns, was just what I needed. This is what I affectionately call “throttle therapy”. It is the rejuvenating power I feel when I ride my motorcycle. Once I got past Madison, the roads got quieter and stretched out in gentle curves in front of me. I was feeling great!

Even though we didn’t set a meeting time, and we had different distances to cover, we arrived at the hotel within minutes of each other. Right on the main street, but tucked away with a hidden garden entrance, our room was remarkable. It had masonry walls filled with whimsical art built into the walls, a kitchenette and living room filled with books about the art and architecture of Mineral Point, a claw foot bathtub and bedroom up a set of stairs. I knew instantly that this was just what the doctor ordered.

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We had a wonderful dinner, wine and even saved room for dessert (because, let’s be honest, I can’t resist chocolate cake with red wine) at the Brewery Creek Brewpub. There was time for a soak in the claw foot tub and a great night’s sleep. In the morning, the sun was streaming in, past the gardens where the motorcycles were parked and through the stained glass decorations in the window. I made some tea and curled up on the couch, looking through some of the interesting books that filled the place. It was a beautifully peaceful morning.

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We learned that we simply cannot leave Mineral Point without sampling figgyhobbin, a Cornish pastry filled with a mix of raisins, walnuts, brown sugar, and butter and covered with caramel sauce and whipped cream. Glad we took that advice and tried the figgyhobbin, we found that it was the perfectly sweet end to a perfectly sweet getaway.

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Victory Garden

Victory Garden

It may be a bit premature to declare victory over cancer. I am not quite four months post-diagnosis. I have one surgery behind me. I am half way through my six rounds of chemotherapy and am still facing six weeks of radiation after chemo, and, potentially, three more surgeries. That being said, from the very start, I only considered one possible outcome for this circumstance. It will be victory over cancer. When my doctors started showing me percentages for this and that, my only comment was that I intended to stay on the right side of these percentages, no matter what that takes. I am not finished with my life on this planet. I have so much to live for. I see it in the faces of my young daughters. I feel it when I plan future road trips and travel adventures with my boyfriend. I have nothing but excitement and happiness when I think about the rest of my life. Maybe the difficulties I have had in the last few years, culminating in the discovery of cancer in my body, were the wake-up call I needed to reset my life onto the right path. It certainly has made me re-evaluate my priorities. I am improving my eating habits, eliminating stress and negativity from my life. I am taking more time for important things, such as time with my kids, time for exercise, time for fun and lots of laughter!

So where does the garden come in, you may be thinking? Well, to celebrate the return of spring after this brutal winter, as well as a way of marking my halfway point in chemotherapy prior to tackling round 4 (yesterday), I called on a group of family and close friends to come help me tackle my neglected back yard. I bought a deteriorating duplex on the verge of foreclosure two and a half years ago, and have been working gradually to restore it to its glory. The backyard was so overgrown with weeds when I moved in that I nearly lost my children back there, yet that project always seemed to get set on the back burner. I knew I wanted to work on it this spring, yet, still weak from surgery and less than energetic from chemo, I also knew it was time to take my friends up on offers of assistance. I couldn’t have done it without them.

I am so grateful for the help. It was a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon. I spent the week buying native perennials, veggies for a nice healthy vegetable garden, and blueberries, blackberries and strawberries (because I took the girls to the garden center with me). Of course, I stocked up on beer, soda, water and food to take care of all those who put in hard work to get the back yard in shape. I’m amazed at how much we accomplished. In a few hours, we churned up a lot of dirt, pulled weeds, added topsoil and mulch, planted a whole veggie garden, as well as a great perennial garden with a perfect spot for my hammock. To borrow a lovely sentiment from a friend who expressed, “I thought of my chemo as roundup…a weed killer…so my garden could grow!”.  My backyard will always remind me of the wonderful love and support I am blessed with in my life. That is what my victory garden represents to me.

A Bicycle, a Motorcycle, and one Margarita

A Bicycle, a Motorcycle, and one Margarita

With the pain of shingles a fading memory, I was back. Feeling ambitious, I was looking for a few fun things to do over the weekend before “spa day” numero tres tomorrow. Friday saw decent temperatures and I was feeling strong, so I decided to see how it felt to get on my bicycle. It’s important for me to stay as active as possible throughout chemo, and since my indoor exercise bike is not all that exciting, especially after a winter like this, I was beyond ready for some outdoor exercise and fresh air!!

A bit uncertain about how my upper body strength would handle the bike, I started out cautiously. That didn’t last much beyond the alley, as I was feeling strong and confident. Comforted by Andy’s encouragement, I felt like I could ride without any problems. It felt wonderful pushing the pedals through Estabrook Park. I made my way comfortably to a favorite spot along the river, where the rapids were flowing with that soothing sound that rejuvenates me. We sat at the overlook by the beer garden (no, it’s not open yet, but I will be there as soon as it is… who’s in? Melissa? Marty, with your cold, spring birthday parties?), taking in the sunshine and the scenery. We got a nice walk along the river before getting back on the bikes to head home. These are the things in life that are the healing moments for me.

The bike ride felt so good, that I decided to skip the baby steps. On Saturday, I got the motorcycle out of the garage. Cautiously at first, again, until the end of the alley, and again, with Andy there in case I needed help, it felt remarkable to get back on the bike!! Andy was a little worried, and wanted me to go up and down the alley and leave it at that, but that didn’t sound fun at all, so we decided that a ride to the new Sprecher restaurant at Bayshore to meet his mom for lunch wouldn’t be too far for a first time out. I felt so good, that I couldn’t stop smiling and bouncing up and down every time we came to a stop light! After lunch, we headed to the lakefront for a cold photo-op near the water.

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Getting on my bike was a huge milestone for me. When I first heard my diagnosis and the dizzying array of surgeries and treatments which I would be enduring, I did not think I would ride my motorcycle until the fall, if at all in 2014. I had plans for weekend motorcycle trips with friends that would have to be postponed. This made me very sad, because being on the bike is my throttle therapy!! It always cures what ails me and provides me with such joy. The thought of leaving the bike in the garage all summer was even more depressing than a cancer diagnosis.

I am committed to getting stronger through this, continuing to do the things I love to do! Now I feel confident that my goals are not out of reach.

Oh yes, and I can’t forget the one margarita, which I had on Sunday.

Here’s to hoping that the third verse is not the same as the first!

one margarita

one margarita