New Year, New Chapter

New Year, New Chapter

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Goodbye 2014. You taught me a lot. I learned to get beyond my personal limitations. I learned to see the important things and set aside the unimportant or harmful. The highs were higher, and the lows were lower. I learned that I am stronger than I thought, and I learned that I am weaker than I thought, too. Everything was simply MORE. Than usual. Of course, that could just be my perspective, having had a look into the face of my own mortality.

Early in the year, when this journey still held so much of the unknown, I was not sure I would live to see another year. Dreams put off would be forever lost. Fears of leaving my young children behind were prescient. Regrets for not getting to the doctor earlier would never change the path for me, no matter how much I wanted it to change. I simply had to follow this path, one day at a time, trusting that the doctors would get me through to see another year.

What a difference a year makes. 2014 was the first year in a long time that I didn’t work myself into the ground, physically, putting off healthy habits in exchange for the need to work. Hard. Cancer was my rude wake up call. I was forced to turn my focus to reclaiming my health, whatever that took. Reclaiming healthy habits needed to be my number one priority. I made it. I am now at the conclusion of my active treatment against cancer. I can say that I am a cancer survivor, currently living with No Evidence of Disease. Now, on this first day of a new year, I am shifting my reflections towards the next chapter.

This New Year’s holds a different significance for me. I’m not one to make resolutions (that we all know won’t be kept). But I will take the opportunity to symbolically close a tough chapter, a chance to start a whole new chapter. I admit that I feel a bit lost and not sure what this new chapter will entail. I do know that I want to embrace it, and live life as fully as I can, not putting off dreams anymore to a future that may or may not come, not letting fears or hang-ups stop me. I want to find a bigger purpose for my life, a way to give back, to help other women who are facing this journey.

Andy and I have been brainstorming a lot about ways to raise funds for the programs that helped me along the way. There seem to be a lot of resources and support for women who are actively undergoing treatment, but at the end of the day, when treatment is done, lots of women are left feeling lost, depressed, suffering from PTSD and facing fears of recurrence. Most of the foundations raising funds for Breast Cancer have a strong focus on awareness, early detection, self exams and regular mammograms. That did not help me. I did not detect my cancer early. My regular mammograms did not detect my cancer at all. I never knew that there was a type of breast cancer that was not found by mammography. If I had waited until my next mammogram, I might not be here today to start this new chapter.  With this New Year, I received the gift of a second chance. I hope to make it a great one!

Happy 2015.

Livestrong

Livestrong

As of Tuesday, I am a graduate of the Livestrong program at the YMCA (I even have a certificate!). Livestrong is a 12 week program designed to help cancer survivors achieve their health goals. I would highly recommend the program to anyone just finishing cancer treatment, unsure about how to rebuild after the difficulties they’ve just faced.

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While I still have a ways to go to regain the strength and fitness level that I had prior to cancer treatment, I feel like it was an excellent way to start. Participants in the Livestrong program get a free Y membership for the duration of the program, too. My class met twice a week, and it was just the push I needed to get off the couch and hit the gym. It was extremely difficult to find the motivation, and the energy, to exercise during chemo and radiation, but having a class to look forward to was an excellent way to get me out of that mode.

I’ve always had a physical lifestyle. I love jogging, biking, swimming, hiking, playing sports, and on and on. But I’ve never been terribly interested in “classes”, or group exercise. I have to say, there was something invaluable about being part of this group exercise program, though. For me, it was less about the exercise, and more about the camaraderie I found in a group of women who had recently gone through the same treatments and challenges that I had. It was the opportunity to talk about our experiences that motivated me to go every week. My group was very small, only 3 of us came regularly, and we grew comfortable talking about some personal stuff. It became like an intimate support group ( another thing I’ve never really been interested in). We were there to encourage each other and cheer at our small successes.

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Over the 12 weeks, we tracked our progress and did a baseline and post-class assessment of our progress. I’m proud to say that I improved in the areas of endurance, strength and flexibility! I hope to keep working toward my goal this winter. One more hurdle to clear, with surgery imminent, but after that I’m on track to join Team Phoenix at Aurora next spring! (more on that in future blog posts…)