I’m not quite sure what I was expecting when I returned to the plastic surgeon’s office a week after reconstruction surgery. Completely uncomfortable, off the pain pills, I was more than ready to get the dressings, tubes and stitches out and see what my new look was going to be. Since the time of my bilateral mastectomy, it’s been a running joke that I would soon be trading in the awkward tissue expanders for new “perky Bs” that would suit my athletic lifestyle. I was excited all week to see how they turned out, so I was completely unprepared for my actual reaction to the first look at my chest.
The doctor made a point to say, “now, don’t judge based on your first look at things”. There is still the healing process to go through, and I was very bruised and swollen. But it’s easier said than done. I didn’t like what I saw. The area of damaged skin that had to be removed made the right scar painfully tight, in turn pulling and deforming the shape of the right breast. Radiation does so much damage to the area that this can be a common problem. The procedure included fat grafting, where they take fat from my stomach to fill in the areas around the implants to “soften the look”. The end result made the right side even more lumpy and misshaped, to the extent that the doctor said, “it may need more work.” After the rough week I just had, the last thing I want is more surgery.
On top of the sleeplessness, pain, and disappointment with my new look, there is the much more disconcerting problem of my left arm. It is still numb, extremely weak and I am not able to control my movements very well. I now am being sent to a neurologist to see what went wrong. In the meantime, I am not letting anyone draw blood from my arms (since I fear that the IV might have had something to do with the nerve damage), which may cause me to be kicked out of the clinical trial that I am in for a very promising drug used with stage 4 breast cancers to decrease rates of recurrence. Hopefully, I can get everything checked out before I lose my spot in the study.
Once again, I was hoping to get out of town this winter break, but now I have one kid on the couch with a fever of 102, an appointment tomorrow to find out the results of the MRI on my knee (which had to be postponed since September because of the metal in the tissue expanders), and appointments next week with the neurologist and surgeon. And today, of course, I woke up with a bad sore throat….
Oh, I almost forgot – about that shirt I mentioned in the title. I bought it months ago with the intention of wearing it home after reconstruction. Unfortunately, one week after surgery, I still was not agile enough to actually put the shirt on…At that point, I was in tears anyway and not feeling lighthearted enough for self-deprecating humor. The next few days were rough.
Happy Holidays! I think I’ll sleep until 2015!